Jill second session (Road to Redemption)

Yesterday I spend time with Jill and once again like always time flew by. I realized something last night. When the session started and the time with her, she’s asking the question which Martin never did last time. This made me feel a lot more open but also that it didn’t feel make it feel so forced.What I mean is, the last session with Martin felt like I had to do the digging around. That isn’t how it should be but again it did feel that way. We spoke more about my past and I offered her the folder that contained most of the documents from my 2nd meltdown. She looked in shock at the amount of weight and how some pages didn’t even have a place holder. I told her keep in mind this is just the letters and the e-mails are around that size itself as well. We also spoke about my family namely my parents. I explained to her that with my mum it feels like she is wearing a mask around people. Jill really like that expression and said that feels perfect of how to describe something. Like I said to her I really don’t want to be wearing one around people and the fact is around mum is making me worried about Jamaica. In the sense that people are going to be watching over you and watching everything you do, how you eat, what you wear … It’s enough to make my whole anxiety rise high again. Jill asked me if I ever been and I told her no this is the 1st time and I have kept putting it off. Also mention that would be nearly 20 year since I last saw Grandma. Last time we meet was back in 1995 in New York City and was also the first time I had the chance of me meeting some other members of my family. Namely my Auntie J who I visited back in 2010. Which remains me I should really add them in the book as well and have it mentioned before the 2nd meltdown. Speaking of the book I have taken a little break from it but I’m sure it won’t be long till I go back to it. I best get ready I gotta be meeting up with a friend

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