Another one lost (R.I.P. Jack)

Monday wasn’t really a good day for me to be honest with you and just felt like one of those days wish never happened. I had to go to a company that was based in Hammersmith just to be told they couldn’t help me at all due to me studying. It was pretty annoying when you think that it took you two hours to get to some place due to you heading into Central London. Either way while walking out I was hit with bad news from my friend Tabs. She told me she lost the baby and had to give birth to him on Saturday night. It was one of the worst things I heard and didn’t know what to say to her expect I’m sorry and if you need anything let me know. I don’t want to push her into what happen nor is it my place to do that either. It was weird because Friday before and after the interview we was talking and she was telling me she felt a bit low. I did try to cheer her up but I think near the end when I called her back and told her about the interview, it helped a lot more.

As of now I not heard from her but I don’t know if I should say anything though because this is a hard time for her. Why it hurts me so much is because she asked me to be the Godfather to Jack. To me it’s a great honour to hear someone wanting me to be that and not one I’ll take so lightly either. Apart from the bad news, I did have a good day yesterday doing the Peer Support course. I finally teamed up with someone who is a Peer Supporter already who I been wanting to work with for some time now. The good thing is that I learnt something from her and that is more insight on things. Hearing her story made me realize how similar she is to me but in the sense that how she felt she was trapped in a bubble. This again is basically how I felt and sometimes still do with my mum. The truth is sometimes mum doesn’t want me doing a lot of the stuff that I have done or keep doing but as I have said to her countless times she really doesn’t know me.

Some may look at this in a bad way hearing that our relationship is like that but then to be honest with you, I never knew it any other way. When one of her friends realized what my life was like, she called me a dark horse because I would take so much risk with little care for myself. But then again this has always been the case for me due to me wanting to be the rebellious child and breaking the rules. I guess if I was to have another child again then I’ll tell them to go and be you, go out and see the world and don’t have any regret of what could be. Just let it be because that’s what life is all about. Still … That could be a long time to come and right now I’m going to push forward with me getting a career in what I want to do than what others want me to do.

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