Praying for the pain to stop

I honestly am asking for help because I really can’t do this any more. I’m very low and although I put a happy smiling face for people I can’t keep hiding behind the fact that I want to be free from the pain. I’ve once again self harm myself and once again feeling alone because I don’t know how to cope or deal with things. I’m literally unhappy with myself and everything about me but I don’t want suicide to be the main thing to end me. I can’t because if I do then I’m just gonna make myself more unhappy and what’s more I need to focus on how to improve. What happened was my fault no doubt and I can’t deny I’m heading off in the worst direction. I’m sorry to upset people and I’m even more sorry for the people I made cry and hate me. I never did want that but then I guess that’s my problem, I will always hurt people who are too close to me. The hedgehog’s dilemma is basically the only way I can say it. Once you know what that means, you understand why I did it.

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