Category Archives: Funny stories

Shotgun Wedding

 

Today I wanna talk about something different and less depressing about my life. This time I’m going to talk about the wedding of the … Well one wedding I’m glad I never went to! I’m no stranger to some people but you either know me by DisCode or Pepz on the internet. So this was back in the day when I was on a website using my name DisCode and was talking to a lot of people in the chat room.

One of the ladies on there said she was getting married and invited the whole chat room.  I couldn’t believe it but it turns out she really did ask everyone to come by. The lady in question went by the name Mrs Dealer which was the correct name for her in total. Anyway she asked me can I help her find a wheelchair for her because she can’t walk for a long time. I was like okay let’s look on gumtree and ebay. she replied to by saying yeah but I don’t wanna pay for it. I want a free one. I couldn’t find one for her in the end but as the time got nearer for the wedding, I found out I couldn’t make it in the end.

The chat room was bare and hardly anyone was in there and while the wedding was taking place, most of us was wondering what really was going on and how it was going. Turns out it didn’t go as people expected. Mrs Dealer didn’t pay for anything. Things were paid for her and food and drink was brought for her. Presents and cards were given to her with no problems. The wedding however went off okay with no problems and her walking down the aisle.

That’s right walking down the aisle. It seemed that she lied about needing a wheelchair and was hoping someone would buy her one. No one did thankfully, but everyone who was there was in for a bigger surprise.  Once again using her name in the correct way she got up on stage to give a speech. She basically said “I don’t know any of you and I don’t care who any of you are at all. I just wanted the presents and food.” Then to her husband and said “We need to make sure we get you insured don’t we? Accidents do happen.”

Anger is not the word I would use to say what I would be feeling hearing that but it didn’t stop there, a few people saw her opening the presents and if it was something she didn’t like, she throw it to one side and not care about them. Same with the cards, she would open them up and see if there was money inside them and then rip them up. Same with any card that didn’t contain any money inside them. She would soon leave and return to the chat room slagging everyone off saying various rude words about all of us and how we ruined her wedding. She left by saying I’m never coming back here ever again.

Problem is we can never tell if she really did go back on or not because she could use a new username and choose not to show any details.

Fun times with my cousins Sandi and Rashellee

When Rashellee 1st came over she was still a young girl, maybe 5 or 6 years old but we basically got used to each other as I used to make her laugh and looked after her. We had some crazy times together and some of them was just so unreal it was amazing! Her mum Sandi didn’t mind and was glad I showed her the support she needed.Back in the day I had long hair and I asked Sandi could she platt it for me at times.

I can’t remember how this started but some how I remember just been pinned down by Sandi and then Rashellee coming up to me and then giving me a love bite on my forehead! It was like wtf noooooooooo! Worst thing about this was that I had to go to Rashellee school the next day and work  So I remember when the teacher for Rashellee would always try to keep a straight face when looking at me but would always try not to laugh. As the day got on I had to go to work and yeah customers laughed at me saying oh shit man your girl owns you hard. -____- I was too embrassed to saying at times and just was like yeah I know *while grinding my teeth.*

Another time we had was when Rashellee and me went to the shop and I brought her a can of Pepsi.Now due to my name she used to love calling me that and I would always be like Grrrrrr whatever kid! Gor back to the house and Rashellee got herself a glass at sat on the floor. She starting pouring it out and I said to her “Rashellee don’t put it all in the glass in case you drop it.” She pokes her tounge at me and continues and it filled to the top. So now she goes to drink it with both hands and slip – The falls out of her hand and the coke is everywhere! Grandad was sitting back and must of said something like she drop the Rast Glass! Which to this day I’ll never forget and forever call her now she is older!

I remember when we was watching Scobby Doo live action film on dvd. I got tired so I laid there on the sofa in the room and dosed off. Next thing I remember Rashellee was laughing and I wasn’t awake at all. So I didn’t pay no mind to her and went back to sleep. I woke up and went in the bathroom and when I was washing my hands I saw she wrote on my forehead with a green marker pen. Me been in shock was like ah hell nah! Lucky thing was it came off and I had to try and keep a straight face telling Rashellee off.

Rashellee was sleeping downstairs on the sofa at one end and me sitting at the other end. I was watching a film on channel five at the time and it was meant to be a horror film but seem so boring that I almost fell asleep. That was until Rashellee sat up and looked at me with wide eyes and starting saying “Hold on, hold on! (Gibbish stuff).” I try my hardest to remain calm and not scream like a little girl and said “Rashellee, go back to sleep.” She still keep staring at me for at least a minute and then dropped back to sleep. I had a uneasy night sleeping but somehow Rashellee didn’t remember none of it.

Will update more later

The evolution (and nightmare) of Project P.K

1st of all this is going to be a bit of an long read so … take it to bed and read it as a bedtime story. It’s all true and your free to express your views and comments below. Terms and Conditions apply!

Right let’s start from the top! Project P.K! The project started off as an Valentine’s day card. I gave dad an idea and he made it into an real drawing. Now all I did was colour it in and send it off as an Valentine’s day card. I could of just said yeah that’s all good leave it as that but I went the next step further. I wanted to make it real. So the 1st stop was Goldsmiths in Victoria. An nice guy I know called Joe who works there tried to help me out. I gave him the design and he said he would give me an call. Now for what I wanted it for, he told me it will cost me over £2.500. That’s right! Over two thousand and five hundred pounds! And to make things wrong it would be the size of … well 5mm? And it would not look like the design nor would it have any pink on it at all. But he did suggest I try Hatton Gardens.

Hatton Gardens is famous for been an place best for custom made jewellery and diamonds. I walked around this place looking for Joe’s friend Ifran who worked at an store in Hatton Gardens. I walked around and couldn’t find his place. In the end I said forget it just ask around and find out for myself. So I went into various shops and show them the design. Explaining the details and everything else. I was very close to handing over the project to two stores at that time due to been so cheap. But the last store I went into came out with an even better deal. £450 for an 18 carot white gold with the pink sapphire. Yes this does not mean it comes with the chain. But right then that was the least of my worries. All good I thought. What won me over was the 3D image San made of my design. That really made it real. Days later I gave San and David an call and said yeah I happy to hand the project off to you guys.

So all that is left is to get the money and pay the good people! So I got some money ready and paid £100 cash money and the £350 on card. All that was left was the phone call to tell me it’s ready to be picked up. As an thank you I wanted to give these guys an t-shirt with the company logo. Moving on to Project number two! Project Company logo. This project was going to be designed by my good friend Digital Flesh. To be honest, it would of been the old logo Mummy D made. But due to her recent acts I didn’t use it. So again I explained to Flesh what I wanted the design to look like and he made it happen. It took him about an week and it was good to go. He told me of an store that printed t-shirts at the top of his road. Cool I thought. If they sound good then I can come back and e-mail the design.

I went up there and got the prices and the lead time of how long it would take. Everything sounded in order and I thought aight let’s go ahead with it. So Flesh finished off the design and we e-mailed it to them. Keep in mind the guy said to me it will be done by Monday. So I thought cool. Each t-shirt cost £20 each and since I had 4 it came to £80. So in my mind another project has been lifted off the ground and I don’t have to stress and worry about getting it done. While this was going on I asked dad to start work on the design for the 3rd (and maybe final) project. This project is called Project Pinky. Now Pinky started life as an 47″ pink elephant. Now he has been trimmed down to 30″. I went around asking and e-mailing various companies asking can they do it. Some said yes we can but you need to do at least an thousand. -_- Pass.

But one company in America said yes we can go ahead and do it for you. So me and Diana at D-F has been going back and fourth with e-mails. At this current stage the project will start next month. Well that all depends on the change of the shipping charges and anything else. As of now this is how it looks. She wants me to do an deposit 3 ways. Each month basically been … say £500 for the 1st two months and the 3rd one will be about say … £700. This is how it’s worked out. Quote from the e-mail :

Or you can make 30% deposit to secure the current price. Which means, you will make three deposit:

1. 30% deposit:$738.26 for securing this price and sign the agreement before Mar 31,2010.

2. 30% deposit $738.26 next month April 15-20,2010.

3. Once we receive the 2nd payment, we will show you the trial sample and improved sample.

4. 40% deposit $984.36 before we ship out the prototype to you.

Now as of the 28/03/10 $738.26 is £496.00. So two of those. Then $984.36 is £658.26p. To be honest, fair do. Go ahead and do make it. Yeah it is an lot but end of the day, if they can make and it’s cheaper than making an thousand made, do it. Back to Project Company T-shirt. Well Monday came and no phone call. So I went down there. See what was the delay. Now I looked and my bag was sitting in the same place it was on Friday night. -_- Not even happy. She said to me she would give me an call Monday night and let me know the update. No phone call. So Tuesday I get an phone call during the day and it’s the t-shirt company. Said to me it should be done by Wednesday. Again no phone call to confirm this. Wednesday I thought I should pay an visit to the jewellery people. So I went to the store with the help of my manger giving me an lift. Went up to the door and my face dropped. I was happy expecting to pick it up.

The store looked empty. As in it was opening up as an new store. No jewellery. No lights on. Just an empty store. I thought aight calm down just ask the people around what is going on. Across the road is an cafe. I asked them what is going on and the guy said the owner was moving. Moving I thought. Well why not put an sign up on the door or window explaining that? Even still I thought aight ask the people outside next door if they know anything. I asked one of the guys and he said the guy has done an runner. I didn’t know what to say or think. I was like … don’t … lie. Now what do I do?! I lost £450 and my pendant. It was the fact that it was near collection that made it worst. Disappointed and very upset I went upstairs at my work place and made some phone calls. Police as crap as they are can’t help. If you paid them the money then they can’t help since you entered an contract with them.

So what solutions did they come out? Speak to solicitors. That’s going to be money I don’t have. The solicitors said I need to also pay someone to track him down. All of this money … Seriously where am I meant to get it from? Sigh. Well anyway later that day I got an phone call from the guy and he explained that his store was robbed and that he is moving. He will meet me on Monday and i will have my pendant. Yippie Zippie! Now let’s see what’s going on with Project Company T-shirt. I rang them up on Friday. The woman gave me some bull**** about oh I was just about to call you. Yeah my *** you was *****. They need me to come down and tell them where they want the logo. In the middle on the front. I mean really do you REALLY need me to show you where that is?! They are meant to be professionals.

Well anyway I picked them up and I wasn’t happy with the end results. So £80 gone. At this stage I wanted to have an break down. It was all going wrong. Everything. The t-shirts, the pendant, the pink elephant … it was all going wrong. Wait I didn’t mention Lil Miss Pinky? Ahhhhhh man let’s go there. Right now this is pretty stupid. An American website has the an small pink elephant and you can have an name on it. Now I call it Lil Miss Pinky and the date 14/02/10 as in to say I had this in mind since then. So what’s so stupid? Well … this. They can ship an mug to the UK no problem. But an Pink elephant or anything cuddly. That’s an no no. Now if you ask me that is the biggest what the **** moment ever. I was like wait let me read this again. The F?!

So I e-mailed them why and they basically said they can’t ship outside the USA. So I asked one of my Auntie’s if they can have it delivery to their house and sent to me afterwards? Sure she said no problem. Now she liked the idea of both of these things I was doing and really thought it was an good idea. Sigh so now all I gotta do is wait for that to come. Hopefully my Auntie has it. So I wasn’t happy with how the t-shirts went so I wanted an improvement. I was advised to go to Brick Lane in East London. Not far from work so I found out. Found an place that could do it and have it ready in two hours. Cheaper as well since this also included the t-shirts as well. I’m sold. I went back there the next day and got it looked at. I paid the guy and he did it in under two hours. One hour and an half. Ten t-shirts with the company logo.

Update : And Monday is here!!! So all day I been worried thinking, what do I do when I see David? I rang him up and no joy. Phone was off. Not an good look! I felt angry and could feel my manger saying I told you he isn’t coming. I went to get something to eat, and on the way I thought give him another ring. So I rang him up, and I heard it ringing! So I asked do you want anything to eat or drink? I was ready to give him something to show him that I was happy to see him come by! He refused but I didn’t take offensive. When he turned up, we had an talk and he gave me the pendant. I’m not going to lie, I felt like crying when I saw it. 18 carot white gold with the pink sapphire.

I gave David two t-shirts. One for him and one for San. It was my way of saying thank you for making my dream become an reality. So all that’s left now is to get the chain! I won’t do that till maybe next week Friday since I get paid then! Plus since it’s going to be 18 carot white gold, it’s going to be an lot.

Final update : I got the chain!!! Now all I gotta do is sent it off! To be honest I’m really glad I done this and … I don’t know how but it’s bringing tears to my eyes even typing this out! From reading this you can see how my journey has been. It’s been great and it’s been one ride that I will never forget! I really hope she likes it all that I done and I really do hope she will be be very happy with me! Thanks everyone for reading and the support for pushing me to finish off this project! I’m really glad I done this and I’m glad everyone else can share this moment with me! Thanks again!

Minor details

The pendant and chain (Pink Key) has been valued as an grand. The chain cost £120. The design of the T-shirts was done by Digital Flesh. Idea of the logo was mine.

The 3rd project was scrapped due to too many problems. In all fairness I can understand why they would be so on edge. The design of Pink Key was done by my Dad, He was one of the very few people to see and hold the final result!

Will I do it again? Hmmm maybe. I think 1st let me have an long deserved break and get my mind in peace. Who knows, maybe C.J will get one when his older. As for now I’m looking to jet off an week or 2 and spend time with the family! If anyone wants to get in contact or see pictures of the Project, send me an message!

Pepz/Anton

Yume/Nightmare

Damn you Dad!

Me and my dad never seemed to get on really well but, things have pretty much changed since he moved out. I just can’t forget the one time he made me rage so hard that I couldn’t even speak.

So mum has gone away for holiday and has left the place to me and dad. I’m doing the washing up and I notice I got one sheet of kitchen paper left. So I said to Dad, here’s £10 can you go down the shop and get me some kitchen paper. So he took the money and left. Keep in mind shop is 5 minutes away. An hour has passed and Dad comes through the door at last. In his hand is a supermarket bag, so I was like okay good thinking his gone and brought me some from there. I open up the bag and there is only one kitchen paper in there. I asked Dad, where did you get this from. He replied : I got it from home. You did what I said? And again he replied I got it from home.  I asked him next what about the £10 I gave you? And he said oh I used that for travel fair! Thanks son! At the time I was pissed at him but now I can laugh it off.

The bus accident (May cause offense)

Yeah I may get in trouble for this but it’s for jokes! Well it was raining pretty hard that day and the road was filled with too much water so traffic basically came to an halt. So I’m on an double decker bus, top floor left hand side and two seats ahead of me is this BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!!!!!!!! *ahem* Anyway so I’m basically looking at her but not making eye contact if you get me. (Like I’m turning away but looking at her with the corner of my eye). More people started to get on the bus and the bus still ain’t moved for the last 25 mins. So now I had an disabled type boy on the right side of the bus near me and his friends at the back. I got bored and started drawing on the window because of the steam on the bus. Then I remembered there’s this BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!!!!! on the bus as well! I finally make eye contact with her and she had this BEAUTIFUL SMILE! on her face! For some reason though ….. I’m very easy to please. Like an woman could hug me and yep I’m “happy”. So when she smiled and looked at me …. I got “happy”. Now what’s wrong with that I hear you say? Well ….. The disabled kid made an huge scream by saying UGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! I was thinking what his problem? The disabled kid said something that made me turn red and made me wanna leave the bus. “I CAN SEE HIS ****!” ……….. Yeah ….. it poked out. I didn’t know the zipper of my jeans was broken and that little J was sticking out for public viewing. Of course the BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!!!!!!! didn’t seem to take that very well and got off the bus with an angry face. Really it should of been me getting off with little J out. From that day since I never worn jeans again. *cries* and I never saw that BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!!!!!! again. If I remember anymore stories it will be in this topic! If you didn’t wet yourself with laughter …. well I guess I failed *cries* 

Thought of the day : Never give up so easily on everything in life. If we all gave in we would all still be crawling on all fours.