Category Archives: Road to Redemption

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Positive thinking

I’m in two minds of seeing Jill again due to the fact that I don’t don’t really need her services any longer. When I go see her I find it hard to talk to her about anything now. I’m not in as a bad state of mind like I was when I met her and I think it’s mainly due to being of me going to Jamaica. Apart from that, yesterday I was at the Peer support course again which I enjoy but I have a few problems. One is that when it comes to Monday night I’m so hyped to go that I can’t sleep despite taking a tablet which is meant to make me sleep. I can’t ask for a higher dose due to me already been on the highest already and me taking a two will be dangerous. The other problem I got is someone who is on the course with me who is a little disrespectful. His name is Ben and last week he did something that I found very rude and disrespectful. One of our tutor’s was telling us about her story and how she got to where she is now. It was a really sad story but I also noticed the tears building up in her eyes nearing the end. So what’s the problem then? Well it’s what Ben did which was read the newspaper instead. Having him sitting next to me and him doing made me feel a little angry but I didn’t do anything. Maybe I should of because at the end of the day it’s not easy talking about something like that. Yesterday he annoyed me by being again rude but this time it was a case where we both had to work together. The case study was about a person who is moving home but wants to volunteer work as well. What should they do? His reply was simple don’t f**king do it then. I try to push on with him by saying well maybe we can discuss if they can balance the two by saying they can do a couple of hours a day or saying they can do limited hours due to them moving. He rejected it by saying nope that’s just f**king stupid! Leave it how it is don’t change the answer either. What I find surprising is that he wants to do the exam which is a 3 part thing. One is a 2000 word written essay, the second is a 1500 written word essay and the final one is a ten minutes acting. You either pass or fail no in between and you need to do all three and have to pass them. The good thing is we have six weeks to do all this but I agreed to having a study buddy and continue to work in a group during the time. I’m not going to lie I’m nervous but I was also don’t because anyone can pass it. Another good thing is Derek, another tutor who did the exam also passed it and was given help if needed. This makes me feel a little better a hearing that but I still hope that the person I work with won’t be Ben. Either way the next few weeks will be interesting and hopefully make me feel focus again on passing. Either way I want to do the course again just because of how much fun it is. I forgot to mention that yesterday was also Derek’s last day and I was hoping to give him a signed card at the end of the day but he left first thing. Either way I wish him all the best and glad he helped us on this path! I’m also having a think of doing something for group in a couple of weeks like making cookies while not destroying them! Till next time enjoy your week wherever you are!

Too many questions not enough answers …

So you maybe wondering why I been using a few Evangelion tracks as some of my opening post. Well to be honest I don’t have a real reason and just picked them. Normally I would use them to set the tone for the story I’m about to speak about. So today I’ll begin it with a serious one instead and speak about what’s bugging me. 5th of April is still a bit away but still one day I still feel unhappy with. For those that didn’t know this the day I lost my daughter and the day I normally switch my phone off and keep to myself mainly. Despite that I’m hoping I will have a design ready and printed well before hand so I can use it on my jacket. Anyway apart from that I saw Jill again today making it number 4 I think now? I forgot her book which I’m pissed off at myself about … Next week I need to make sure I pack it in my bag so I can hand it back. Either way she was telling me about a few places to try for volunteer work which I’m hoping I can get into. Experience in the field will be great also I may find that this is the path I want to go down than somewhere else I’m not too happy with. I guess having a sit down and talking about things make it clearer for where I should be aiming for. As much as I like to be a therapist maybe it doesn’t have to be in the field of working with adults and like she said working with children maybe a better option. Hearing it makes a lot of sense for me because then maybe I can push children into a better tomorrow with the knowledge I have. Also might make me reconnect with me wanting one sometime later in life. Either way it’s worth a shot and definitely one I’m not going to shy away from. The only question now is … Can I get the funding from the Job Center to pay for a new Enhanced CRB or whatever they are calling it now? I still have plans in the background I want to do but I’m not allowed to talk about them but hopefully I will be able to soon. Tomorrow is class for Peer Support so I best get some rest and hopefully be able to sleep this time round. I think I was too excited last week monday and caused me a lack of sleep to happen. I didn’t drop off until about 3am in the morning and I can’t say I helped myself by watching Arrow either. Good show so far and I’m liking the fact how they are using some of Batman’s baddies in the show. I was going to see how Smallville compared but was told stick with Arrow. Time for sleep for now and maybe tomorrow I can post about how the course went.

Pictures of the Triangle

Sorry for not doing it on Monday but the printer was giving me problems! Anyway here is the triangle I was talking about! As you can see it does show a unique and clear way of how we all played this role in life. I guess for me what shocked me the most is how clear it is yet we never really look and think of it. Another triangle shows a different side of again what we role we have all been before. If you do want a link to a copy of the book, I can upload it and give you a link!

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Seeing Jill

Well I said Jill again today and I have to say each time I leave seeing her, I feel a lot better in myself. This time round she proved me with a lot more knowledge than I thought. She lent me a book which about different patterns in life. I’ll try scan one in and upload it later tonight for you to see it but it blow me away how impressive it was! She told me about a couple of websites to try to help get me more to my dream role as a Therapist and also a couple of books to read. In some ways I have a lot to thank her for and honestly without her helping hand in pushing me forward, I don’t think I would get this far! Either way I did wanted to let everyone know if they do have questions or do want to use any of my lyrics, they can reach me by filling out the Contact Form below! Tomorrow is Peer Support course which I can’t wait to do as well! Enjoy the rest of your week!

Defend

So nearly a week back in London and I’m still a little jet lagged. Today was meant to be a important step in me going on a new course for Peer support. However due to me sleeping right through my alarm I didn’t make it on time and instead went to see Jill. I was hoping to get there on top since I left early but roadworks on the way down caused a major delay. Just my luck I said to myself, can the day get any worst? Sure can! Unexpected person sent me a text on whatsapp and one I was hoping not to hear from at all. I won’t say anymore than that but the person has been blocked thankfully. Anyway today’s session with Jill went really well and I spoke to her about the great time I had in Jamaica and also the little minor problems that I had there. I also asked if we could arrange the next session another day due to the course. See the course will last ten weeks and is free but even though I missed the first one, I’m hoping I can go back and learn what i missed from it at a future date. Either way I’m more hyped to get a job and I need to start making my voice known about having a real job than rather something where I work for free. Although I don’t mind it, I do want to earn money and be able to say I’m saving up for the next holiday which will be Canada. Hopefully things will fall into place and I won’t have to worry and stress so much. I’m still a little pissed off at a family member but I been told I should remain silent about said person due to it causing a ruckus in the family. I still gotta find money to buy a phone card and call up Jamaica and speak to a couple of people which I plan to do today. That and also money for next week session with Jill which remains me … I need to book a new appointment with Nick at some point. Sigh … Well let’s hope tomorrow I don’t wake up late and can go into Open Office tomorrow. The week is already speeding up faster than I want but maybe that’s a good thing as well. One thing I should add is that Jill made me smile by saying I’m proud of who you are because you are always trying to improve yourself despite how bad things get. She’s pushing me to be a therapist as well which I think is awesome to hear! Looks like I’m on the right path at last but I’m hoping I don’t get sidetracked by anymore major problems.